When “No” means “No.” and “Yes” means “No.”

Photo by Debby Urken on Unsplash

From a young age we are taught “If you don’t like what someone’s doing to you, tell them no and to stop.” But what happens when the fear of upsetting someone over rules the ability to say no? This brings in the term “Coerced Consent”. Coerced consent is when a person does not want to engage in sexual activities, but their partner uses guilt, anger or any other kind of emotion to “coerce” them into agreement. Many people don’t understand that coerced consent is still not okay. The fact that they actually said “yes” to a situation, they believe they’re not justified in feeling abused or betrayed. They often times will not ever speak up or tell anyone about the situation, because they feel as if it was their fault, and that it isn’t actually a form of sexual assault. Sexual assault in Florida is defined as “any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient.” If someone says no, and then after a few drinks or after some one causing the other to feel emotionally obligated to do sexual acts with the other, that is not explicit consent. People spend years in relationships with a person never realizing that they are mentally being abused by coerced consent sexual assault. The damages done by these types of things are irreparable mentally. Statistics show that victims are often good friends, if not in a relationship with their silent assaulter.

RAINN did a study of sexual abuse cases reported to law enforcement,

93% of juvenile victims knew the perpetrator:

59% were acquaintances

34% were family members

7%  were strangers to the victim

Victims even begin to show signs of anxiety when the person is in the room. According to Goodtherapy.org , “Sexual abuse teaches victims that their bodies are not really their own. Victims often report feelings such as shame, terror, depression, and guilt, and many blame themselves for the assault. Some of the mental health challenges survivors of sexual abuse face include:

Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, Personality Disruptions, Addiction, and Triggers. “

From being unable to breath when they’re around to having panic attacks just thinking about the situation, the mental effects from sexual assault can be detrimental. Just because you can’t physically see the effects of something on someone, it doesn’t mean the scar isn’t there. Sex between two consenting parties can be just that… sex. But if there is even a shadow of a doubt that maybe one person is uncomfortable, stop and ask them if it is genuinely okay. Making sure the person you’re sleeping with is completely comfortable and trusts you will pay off in the long run. And if you’ve fallen victim to coerced consent, don’t be afraid to speak out. You are justified, you are allowed to feel the way you do, you are allowed to tell someone, sadly you are not alone.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Anonymous Student Author

Fall 2017